Saturday, December 5, 2009


Yesterday night, for the first time in my professional career I was awarded with a SPOT award. An award that is presented to those who have done good during a certain period of time (since its monthly, I assume its based on monthly performance). So logically, I had met the requirements to get that award only in the last one month. Also, a friend was saying better late than never, I just did not tell anything but thought, better not to be rewarded than being insulted.

There were other guys who had been awarded and they had a smile. Even I had put up a fake smile. I hated taking it, and wanted to break it right away for it doesn't mean anything to me. An asshole has given it and an asshole has taken it. It was proven again that I am an asshole who succumbs, the rebel inside was yelling at me asking why am I taking it. But, I had to calm my own self saying "dude, keep your cool and do not get fucked up unnecessarily". Well I took it.

I was also congratulated by some whom I never knew before that was fine, but each time I was congratulated I asked myself why the fuck is all this crap and all the dissent. It's because I got such an award at such a time where I thought to be rewarded in a better way. It's an insult for now. But it's a management thing, I made the management realize that I am good now and not earlier. I may do good, but only when the management thinks I am doing good it will give something.

And my management is very pathetic, say a day (i wish not) has come where the project is on the verge of being scrapped and a guy with his own will and mind has saved the project from loosing. Then, he will be taken for granted "man, we knew that this was bound to happen, no big deal" is what the management would utter. But say the project is totally scrapped and taken away, then again a man stands up and he gets it back after an year, now, that man will be hailed as the hero of project and rewarded to a great deal. This is the way it works (if anyone from my team reads it they may deny saying, no no its not this way, its my misinterpretation), and only time can tell whether I am right or not.

A person who never does anything and can't handle a single issue on own, and always delegtates even the things that are meant to be done by him/her can become a lead to many. I do not respect such people but I just have to fake even respect too, it's so fucking sick.

Its unethical to disclose office matters like this, but hey I am not interested either. I am made to be unethical by those assholes who don't have ethics. So I am showing no difference and being identical for the time being.

I can show my dissent and my anger only here and no where else, I am safeguarded by the fact that it is blocked in office but I wish my team mates read it and before blasting me and storming at me just sit for a couple of minutes and think why is such a thing written.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


For the first time, I am putting my views in public about marriage (knowing that hardly anyone would even read it). This is seriously about heterosexual marriages only

Marriage, the custom of entwining a guy and girl with a thread a ring, a bouquet of flowers or garland, anything but to show to the world that "hey, you see, she is mine and I am hers" or vice verse.

The reasons why guys marry are :
1) To have someone who can satisfy his physical feelings (you can go for a prostitute but, to satisfy male ego, there should someone referring whom, the guy says, this is mine meaning, he can do anything with her)
2) To have someone to take care of, when ill or in old age
3) To get rid of loneliness
4) To have someone cook his food, take care of his things for free (a free slave but she shows that illusion of love here. "Oh dear, here is your coffee, kiss me for this", yeah guys love this crap)
5) To have kids of course and one is required to take care of them
6) To take care of grand children too (if alive of course)

The reasons why girls marry are :
1) To have a certain kind of dependency so that they feel secure (in ancient days it was economic and social but now it's more of emotional, "Dear, I am feeling low, can I have your shoulder to keep my head on, that would make me feel better". Yes, it has to be the same shoulder every time).
2) Coz that would make life easier in society.
3) That would make them walk blissfully into ignorance
4) That will make them satisfy their physical cliches too

Fine, the reasons are acceptable, but the way the marriage happens is so pathetic and so showy.
"Hey see, this is my girl" this is the statement that the Guy when he marries, yes man she is yours for this life but do you need to tell that by this way? I ask this may be there is a way better than this and may be this is the best way for some but I condemn it whole hearted and my reasons are

1) Unnecessary usage of money
2) Things are not bound by threads and rings there has to be more meaning
3) Need not tell the world that comprises of such beings who come eat and walk away and later say "in such and such item so and so was missing". They curse you more than bless you

My reasons are not proper, sophisticated or anything and may be I am wrong for many who shall never even read this, but for me this is the best way I am.

Go and do a court marriage, just a legal document (a necessity for some purposes, this is again a social compulsion but even for a visa, this is required so its a must) and finish it off there. That's the only way I would do and the day I do it otherwise, I am no longer alive.

Friday, September 11, 2009


Seems like the script I wanted to write for my life has been lost coz nothing is working. And thus, all the time I wiled and I dreams i dreamt hoping for good, hoping that it would help me to move towards my pssion have been threatened and they might even be shattered.

Now, what's the plan next is just wait coz the time is isnt on my side for now and neither are people. Time is actually the best author coz that always has the perfect ending.

But people, yeah let me put all my angst here. My personal space which is public. Where I can have my say and showcase it to world. And even by reading this, if anyone want's to fuck me then man he should be the best fucker who can fuck anyone's ass both gay and straight.

People, have a problem with my attitude, a guy who wants his own good for the sake of himself is bad. I want good for myself coz I am good and yes better, I cant do things in the best way but I can do them in way better than those who are doing it. I never ever thought or even think of fucking anyone. Yet, I am bad you see, my attitude is wrong, I am simply publicised as a stupid asshole.

This (I am laughing now) is said by mother fuckers (second handlers who do not have the gut in ass to do a thing totally by themselves) who want good not by doing good but by fucking others ass. People, I am talking of many I saw all through my life.

If I have to get a repo then it should not be on my own thing, but it should be by proving that the other guy is bad. (You ban a Black Friday and give best movie award to Devdas/Koi Mil Gaya/Veer-Zaara/Black.) This is how the real world is, not just the fucking profession where everyone craves for name and yes money.

They might buy the most beautiful bitch (marriage is serious business right, where woman is sold for slavery and prostitution and men buy them coz they want to fuck and satisfy their dick's ego) or the costliest drug they dreamt of (drug = home, car etc...). And with that name which they earn by fucking others ass, they shave their hair on the penis and pussies with that name they earn get may be but they want it coz that makes the hair on those grow again without name those sex organs are of no use. A guy who is good is not sincerely appreciated and if he is being appreciated then the manager says, "Ok, he is Good I know. Which implies you are not that good you asshole"

"Management", mother fucking term used to kill you just by words. No weapons here, no blood shed its the most non violent means of killing. So the rule that the management has set up is, never appreciate anyone sincerely always try to find the bad more than the good in them coz that would really help your fucking thing grow.

OK, now back to those real mother fuckers. What do they do when they get screwed up?? They lick the assholes of the guys whom they fucked but are better. This is to get their thing done, else they cant go to bed to fuck their wives or get fucked up with their husbands or even masturbate in peace.

The world that was meant to be beautiful like an innocent child's dream is never that. Try to learn and fuck others or just get lost and lie in the grave peacefully or just kill them if you are that powerful. Else, you are anyways gonna get fucked.

I am good, yes I am seriously good but not the best yet I am better than many others but still many do not want me as a human being, as a writer, as a colleague coz I am better and that's what they do not want, a better person in the world.

Monday, June 15, 2009


I am writing this just to put the bullshit going on in my head out...

Well...I am living..sorry any ass does...laying my ass on the office seat and in front of the comp and dreaming...dreaming crap....dreaming about stories imaging how would this be how would that be...and then...dozing off to each nights sleep.......

I dream...dream of stories of those which I wanna see...I wanna read and I wanna make or let others know..

A tribal illiterate girl has lost her everything (husband and her child and can never even become a mother) she has nothing but hope left...and then how would it be if she studied and become a teacher?? I kick myself and I wrote some crap

There was a small boy Iqbal Masih...who was made bonded labour after his parents sold him to a those assholes and he worked in a carpet industry..he learnt that it was wrong as he wanted to do many other things too...and then he escaped that and also made 0.3 million kids free of labour...and what did the mafia assholes do it him.......KILL him...isn't it a story to be told?

Then a small state is formed as a result of agitation of so power hungry buggers and they get it in a democratic (powerful) way....and then what's the state of the would become a mess...imagine Kashmir is taken away by separatists (though they have lost the election they fought) and then it is ruined by those idiots...and they just keep fighting to loot it....(this guy Anurag Kashyap my favorite director made it in a great way.) but after getting the small state..then what? What would it be like?...another one that needs to be explored...

I want to tell this....cause I want to know these..cause I want to see these stories unfold myself...and the one quote that drives me is "If you haven't read a book that you wanna read then you write it yourself" and I want to see these things happening.....I damn want to....and it's this dream of seeing them with my own eyes that keeps me god damn surviving and nothing else